Pretty quickly, the worrying subsides and the wandering commences. No, the worrying doesn't quite subside. Rather, it gets pushed aside by more immediate concerns, becoming more of an ambient noise. Decisions lose their grandiose sheen as your mind turns towards decisions of a smaller, but infinitely more pragmatic variety.
The first day after my graduation from Swarthmore, I was driving around New York City. First mistake. After circling the block looking for parking on the Upper West Side, I found a spot and Austin Power-ed my way into it. Fed the meter, only to show up five minutes after its expiration with a $60 fine. Second mistake. Oops. Whether or not I could afford to feed my caffeine addiction from Kohlberg Coffee Bar had previously been my biggest financial concern. That and how many hours I could reasonably log for a single tutoring session. Deadlines? Negotiable. Not so any more.
Always, though, always, the anxiety of the big questions--What the hell am I doing with my life?--nags away as you understand that all of the small decisions that you are making amount to an answer to the questions that truly matter. This awareness haunts you, and to deny its presence is to live in denial. Maybe you shove it under your bed, and you forget about it for stretches at a time, surely its absence enables day-to-day euphoria, but on some sleepless nights, it comes back in all its original, primal force.
Nevertheless, you forge ahead as you must.
Sheer inertia carries you through the days...
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